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TGWTG In SPAAAAAACE!

in space verse
A/N: Yes, yes it is so. It's time to look toward the future, and SPAAAAAAAAAAAACE!

Disclaimer: It's too damn late to be funny. Fuck you all, I'm going to bed.

Title: That Guy With The Glasses In SPAAAAAAAAAAAACE!

Synopsis: What is says on the tin: Critic vs. AVGN; Benzaie vs. Suede; Linkara vs. Insano; Spoony vs. Insano; The Human Race vs. Ask That Guy. Some things just remain constant through the millenia. NOTE: No pairings! ....probably.

Warning: Contains possible OOCness and SERIOUSNESS! OooOOOoooOOO!

It’s been…a long time. So long we can’t even remember. So long everything we once knew has turned to dust and memories and the madness of the dead.

What led we few, we happy few, to that moment of sheer stupidity? The moment where we signed our souls away, in one way or another? Perhaps we thought we were saving humanity, that we were doing the world a favor. Perhaps we felt that denying ourselves death was the easiest sacrifice to make.

Perhaps the anger, and the war, and the fury…perhaps it had truly driven us mad, once and for all.

Some of us signed our soul away through cybernetics, replacing blood that once boiled with oil that now pumped endlessly through us, replacing a beating heart with a steady engine, trading a brain for a computer.

Some of us allowed scientists to destroy our souls through chemicals and experiments and things too grisly to contemplate, leaving us no longer exactly what one would call…human.

Still some more swore to bide their time, to hide in cryogenic stasis until the last moment, until they were truly needed.

It no longer matters. What matters is that whatever our fight was originally, whatever the reasons were, they have been lost to the eons, to the ravages of time…


CAPTAIN SPOONY?


“Talk to me, Morgan,” said Spoony, leaning back in his chair.

WE WILL BE ARRIVING AT POSEIDON, DOCKING PORT THESSALY IN FIVE MINUTES.


“You mean fifteen minutes,” sighed Spoony, “Because it always takes ten fucking minutes to get through the damn checks.”

IF YOU DID NOT CARRY CYBERNETICS OR CRYOGENICS ON BOARD, YOU WOULD NOT HAVE THAT PROBLEM. CAPTAIN.


“Where would be the fun in that, Morg?” said Spoony with a grin, before reaching up to the microphone and pulling it down to address his crew, “Yo, fun is going down, we will be arriving in Port Thessaly officially in t-minus five minutes, in actuality t-minus fifteen minutes. Please sort out your bags, equipment, passports and illegally obtained items before the damn feds get here. This means you, Chick.”

Hooking his microphone back up, Spoony got up to go sort out his own illegally obtained items.

SHE IS NOT GOING TO LIKE YOU SAYING THAT.


“Yeah, Chick doesn’t like a lot of things I say,” shrugged Spoony, “’f we’re gonna find the Boss, though, she’s gonna need to deal with it. See you in a bit, Morg.”

- - -

“Hey, Spoony!” called Linkara up from the storage bay, “We got Marz all set up and tied down!”

“That sounds wrong on so many levels,” muttered Spoony to himself as he ran down the scaffolding to the bottom of the bay, taking the last few steps at a jump.

“I hate when you do that,” said Nostalgia Chick with a frown, “I just know one day you’ll slip and kill yourself. Then we’ll have Linkara leading us, and that’ll only end in tears.”

“I’m standing right here!” said Linkara, offended.

“After all, he’ll get us lost. Again. And he’ll forget to get the papers ready. Again.”

“I’m standing right here!

“And then Marz’ll get found, and who knows what the authorities will do to us when they find out we’re hoarding illegal immortals…”

“I’m standing right here!


“…And he’ll annoy Morgan, because we all know that Morgan only listens to you, and they’ll be so busy bickering that they won’t notice an asteroid belt and we’ll all die, and it will be your fault.”

“I’m standing RIGHT HERE!


“Something gives me the idea that Linkara is standing right there,” said Spoony, grinning. Linkara let out a sound of unvoiced frustration and annoyance, “Don’t worry, Linkara. I have faith in you. That’s why I made you first mate.”

“No,” said Nostalgia Chick immediately, “You made him first mate because he’s your best friend.”

“I’M STANDING RIGHT HERE!”


“C’mon Chick,” said Angry Joe as he half-fell from the scaffolding onto the floor, “Quit kidding Linkara around, kay? Oh yeah, Spoony, Morgan says that Poseidon officials are on their way up.”

“Thanks. I am so looking forward to this…”

- - -

“Captain,” said the official. He had to be the blandest, most featureless person Spoony had ever laid eyes on. Already, he could feel his body wanting to sleep out of sheer boredom, “Your papers, please?”

Spoony handed them over. A few steps behind him, he felt Linkara tense up slightly. No matter how often they did this song and dance, neither of them were ever entirely comfortable.

“Well, Captain…Sorbo…I’ll have to ask you some simple questions.”

“Of course,” said Spoony emotionlessly.

“Crewmembers?”

“First Mate: Urdin Dede…”

“Dede?” the official eyed Linkara, “You don’t look African.”

“My parents were hippies,” said Linkara, without inflection, his eyes focused on a point somewhere to the left of the official’s face.

“Huh. Your other crewmates?”

“Pilot: Drystan Blythe.”

“Drystan?”

“You’ve never studied Arthurian legends?”

The official snorted.

“Medical and Science Officer: Calypso Linn.”

“Calypso? The sea nymph?”

When Spoony and Linkara refused to comment, the officer sighed and motioned for Spoony to continue.

“Engineer: Daisy Finola.”

“And…that is your full crew complement?”

“We’re hoping to pick up a few new members in Thessaly,” replied Spoony, still emotionless, “Another science officer, as well as a gunner.”

“I was under the impression all AERON Class ships were required under law to possess a gunner.”

“Our gunner was shot down while we were on leave on Charon-2.”

“In which case, I apologize. However, you will not be allowed to leave port without another gunner.”

A muscle in Spoony’s neck moved; one of Linkara’s hands twitched. If the officer noticed the tells, he said nothing, only passed the ships papers back and waved for the two to finish docking their ship.

- - -

“Well, ladies and gentlemen…we have a problem.”

Angry Joe, Linkara, Goggles, Nostalgia Chick and Spoony were all gathered around a table in the mess. Joe and Linkara were cleaning their guns; Goggles was fiddling with one of her toys; Nostalgia Chick simply stared at Spoony, who braced his hands against the wood of the table.

“Well?” she said, “Tell us.”

“We need to recruit.”

The reaction was instantaneous; Joe and Linkara dropped their guns; Goggles’ toy clattered onto the table, one of the arms twisting off; Nostalgia Chick’s eyes hardened.

“Come on, Spoony!” said Linkara, “I know he said we’d need a gunner, but we can get around that, right?”

“Normally, yes, but Morgan checked the records.”

“We’re not gonna like what you’re about to say, are we, Oh Spoony One?” said Goggles.

“Marz is listed among the dead. It’s also listed that if anyone appears resembling her, they should be taken in for questioning immediately. She’s cheated death one too many times; we’re going to have to risk it.”

“How?” said Joe, “With who?”

Spoony sat down and buried his face in his hands, cursing the day this silent war between their factions had begun.

“I have no fucking clue.”

“We could always hope someone from our side is here,” said Linkara, though his voice was not enthusiastic.

“It could work,” offered Goggles.

“Oh, come on!” retorted Angry Joe, “The only reason we’ve managed to last this long as a crew is because the ship is so damn big.”

“We have two spare rooms,” pointed out Goggles.

“Yeah, and the last time they were full we almost spaced the occupants! I hate having mortals on board!”

“And if we manage to get another member of our faction on board?” asked Goggles.

“It’s a big universe,” pointed out Linkara.

“Yeah,” said Spoony, “That’s why we tried to get lost in it. Face it guys; until we find someone to fill that occupancy, we’re stuck.”

Next Chapter: CHANNEL

Comments

( 12 comments — Leave a comment )
aunt_zelda
Sep. 4th, 2009 01:40 pm (UTC)
*grinz* Oh yeah, that's what I'm talkin' about ...
This was FANTASTIC! I eagerly await more! (I bet Insano LOVES the future ... and Benzaie vs. Suede is going to be cool, and 'The Human Race vs Ask That Guy'?! GENIUS!)

Please sort out your bags, equipment, passports and illegally obtained items before the damn feds get here. This means you, Chick.”
Hooking his microphone back up, Spoony got up to go sort out his own illegally obtained items.
SHE IS NOT GOING TO LIKE YOU SAYING THAT.
“Yeah, Chick doesn’t like a lot of things I say,” shrugged Spoony, “’f we’re gonna find the Boss, though, she’s gonna need to deal with it.

Hee hee, I like the idea of futuristic Nostalgia Chick ... (so, they're looking for Doug?)

Then we’ll have Linkara leading us, and that’ll only end in tears.”
Is this a jibe at my futuristic fic?

“First Mate: Urdin Dede…”
“Dede?” the official eyed Linkara, “You don’t look African.”
“My parents were hippies,” said Linkara, without inflection, his eyes focused on a point somewhere to the left of the official’s face.

Uh-huh ...

“Marz is listed among the dead. It’s also listed that if anyone appears resembling her, they should be taken in for questioning immediately. She’s cheated death one too many times; we’re going to have to risk it.”
Ooooooo ...

Spoony sat down and buried his face in his hands, cursing the day this silent war between their factions had begun.
Hang on ... is this Gamers vs. Critics? (Goggles and Angry Joe were on the Gamers side ...)

“Yeah, and the last time they were full we almost spaced the occupants! I hate having mortals on board!”
Sounds like these guys need a Shepherd Book ...

“Yeah,” said Spoony, “That’s why we tried to get lost in it. Face it guys; until we find someone to fill that occupancy, we’re stuck.”
Dun dun daaaaaaaaa!
freya_sacksen
Sep. 4th, 2009 08:57 pm (UTC)
(so, they're looking for Doug?)
Yes and no...

Is this a jibe at my futuristic fic?
Not really, I just thought that watching N. Chick bait Linkara would be funny.

Uh-huh ...
There is a really, obscurely, bizarrely subtle joke in their names, that I fully expect nobody to get.

Hang on ... is this Gamers vs. Critics? (Goggles and Angry Joe were on the Gamers side ...)
Don't worry, upcoming chapters will explain the factions and the 'war' a bit better and with some clearer detail.
aunt_zelda
Sep. 4th, 2009 10:26 pm (UTC)
Yes and no...
Hrrrrrm ... are they looking for

Not really, I just thought that watching N. Chick bait Linkara would be funny.
Ok! (It was funny ...) I wouldn't have been angry, were it a jibe.

There is a really, obscurely, bizarrely subtle joke in their names, that I fully expect nobody to get.
Are they ... Mary-Sue names? *draws a complete blank*

Don't worry, upcoming chapters will explain the factions and the 'war' a bit better and with some clearer detail.
Ooooo, goodie! (Factions are so much FUN ...)
freya_sacksen
Sep. 4th, 2009 10:29 pm (UTC)
Are they ... Mary-Sue names?
Like I said, it's an absurdly subtle one.
To sum up: Look up what the names mean. I'm very proud of Linkara's one. It was a *bitch* to write.
aunt_zelda
Sep. 5th, 2009 01:06 am (UTC)
Aha! Another name junkie! (Norse mythology, D&D, slash, name entomology ... sure you're not my twin?)
So ... Linkara's means 'Blue Broken-Hearted?' (gah, how depressing!)
(The names can mean a lot of things ... and that's assuming I got the right definitions. If it's not too much trouble, could you explain to me what you intended when you chose the names?)
I used to REALLY get into meaningful-names for characters in my stories.
freya_sacksen
Sep. 5th, 2009 01:14 am (UTC)
'broken-hearted'? The website I got it from said it meant 'beetle'...

Well, Angry Joe's name was Drystan Blythe. If memory serves, 'Drystan' means anger and 'Blythe' means joy, which I thought kind of summed up Angry Joe's mildly spastic personality. Nostalgia Chick's makes no sense unless you're me (Lindsay means 'wetland' and her two alias names are to do with the sea).

I also thought it would be ironic if both of Goggles' names mean 'white'. Just 'cuz.

Norse mythology, D&D, slash, name entomology ... sure you're not my twin?
Fairly sure. Then again, we might both be clones of...someone. I don't know. The biggest geek in the world?
aunt_zelda
Sep. 5th, 2009 01:29 am (UTC)
The website I got it from said it meant 'beetle'...
Really?
*thinks for a second*
OH! Oh, that is ... that is GOOD. That is ... REALLY good! *grinz hysterically* GENIUS! (Again, not of the Surf-Ninja variety!)

If memory serves, 'Drystan' means anger and 'Blythe' means joy, which I thought kind of summed up Angry Joe's mildly spastic personality
Yeah, it really does. *giggles* I really love Angry Joe. And his sarcastic machine. (Does that machine have a name? I've been asking, but no one seems to know ...)

Nostalgia Chick's makes no sense unless you're me (Lindsay means 'wetland' and her two alias names are to do with the sea).</i>
Ah! (I was thinking 'Linn' her real name's 'LINdsay' ...)

I also thought it would be ironic if both of Goggles' names mean 'white'. Just 'cuz.
*laughs* Yeppers!

Fairly sure. Then again, we might both be clones of...someone. I don't know. The biggest geek in the world?
I'd certainly want to meet her!
emeriin
Sep. 6th, 2009 05:24 pm (UTC)
Mmm, snarky, badass, futuristic Nostalgia Chick... is there anything better?

I just had to get that out there. ;) *is shallow* Anyway, I'm loving this so far and I can't wait to see what the rest of the characters have become. :D
fininevermore
Dec. 4th, 2009 12:03 am (UTC)
To be honest, I was afraid. Mainly because it was complete and had a fair amount of chapters. But they seem short enough, I should finish it tonight. And partly because you said it was depressing. But we'll see.

I am very intrigued. Everyone is so interesting. And since this looks very gamer vs critic (ala the Brawl) I now must know why Angry Joe and Goggles defected. And why our beloved Critic is missing.
On a totally unrelated note, I just put everyone in Star Trek uniforms in my mind and now I am sinckering.
freya_sacksen
Dec. 4th, 2009 02:09 am (UTC)
On a totally unrelated note, I just put everyone in Star Trek uniforms in my mind and now I am sinckering.
You, good Fini, are officially AWESOME.
fininevermore
Dec. 4th, 2009 02:12 am (UTC)
You, good Fini, are officially AWESOME.
Cool! And I've been here less than 48 hours!

Seriously, thanks. And as you see, I'm forging on. Planning on finishing tonight.
freya_sacksen
Dec. 4th, 2009 02:18 am (UTC)
Awesome!
Hope you enjoy the ride!
( 12 comments — Leave a comment )

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Freya Sacksen: Blonde. Black. Jewish.

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